I hate the Moon

Today was one of the days whereby I find myself once again questioning the reason for me taking this path.

And the plain truth is once again: I don't know.

A bit of naivety, a bit of desperation, a bit of bo chup-ness and a bit of misinformation all contributed to the path that I took thus far.

I can't honestly say it has been all bad. But so far, to be honest, the bad is indeed tipping the scale slightly.

I can't reconcile how the things I am supposed to be doing are really helping the people who I am supposed to help.

A lot of times, I don't really know how I am supposed to help the people I am supposed to help.

I don't know if I am even value adding to the people I am supposed to help.

And you know what's the worrying thing? Sometimes I think I don't really care at all. I think I am selfish. It's just that I try too hard to influence myself to think I care, when in fact I really don't think I do.

The things in my personal life make me very upset, but yet I have to always try to smile, keep my temper in check etc. It's tiring, and sometimes it's downright meaningless.

I don't feel myself improving in any manner, either emotionally or capacity wise or knowledge wise.

I hate my job. I hate the troublemakers. I hate paperwork. I hate award chasers. I hate KPIs. Most of all, I hate myself.

Never again...

Will I do silly things.

Will I do so much.

Will I force someone.

Never again.

My ball sense prevails once again

There's just something about the 6th sense (I prefer to use ball sense) of human beings. It can keep you out of danger, it can also lead you to missed opportunities.

Luckily for me, it has been accurate more often than not.

There's just something about some people which make you refuse to trust them with your lives. And so it proved once again.

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There are also times when I look at the people walking around on the streets and feel that I am a weirdo. Some of them are obviously hopeless airheads. Some look like they can have an orgasm with a mousepad or on a discussion about why the Demand curve can sometimes slope upwards. Some of them have a way too inflated sense of self importance. Some of them have EQ equivalent to that of a Chinese speaking hoaxster. But yet all of them have a girlfriend. (Let's not quiver over the point that some of their girlfriends also CMI). Yes some of the really hopeless cases all have a gf in tow.

And yet I fail time and time again. There are times when I look in the mirror and feel disgusted at the person I see. So it's no wonder that no one likes me. But there are also times when I think I am so much better than the aforementioned. But facts prove otherwise. I think I am losing the faith slowly but surely.

I will always be the lowest priority. As unwanted as a piece of used disposable undies. I should just give up...