I hate the Moon

Today was one of the days whereby I find myself once again questioning the reason for me taking this path.

And the plain truth is once again: I don't know.

A bit of naivety, a bit of desperation, a bit of bo chup-ness and a bit of misinformation all contributed to the path that I took thus far.

I can't honestly say it has been all bad. But so far, to be honest, the bad is indeed tipping the scale slightly.

I can't reconcile how the things I am supposed to be doing are really helping the people who I am supposed to help.

A lot of times, I don't really know how I am supposed to help the people I am supposed to help.

I don't know if I am even value adding to the people I am supposed to help.

And you know what's the worrying thing? Sometimes I think I don't really care at all. I think I am selfish. It's just that I try too hard to influence myself to think I care, when in fact I really don't think I do.

The things in my personal life make me very upset, but yet I have to always try to smile, keep my temper in check etc. It's tiring, and sometimes it's downright meaningless.

I don't feel myself improving in any manner, either emotionally or capacity wise or knowledge wise.

I hate my job. I hate the troublemakers. I hate paperwork. I hate award chasers. I hate KPIs. Most of all, I hate myself.