-pause-
*Breathe out*
I will try not to complain, so instead its Straits Times articles time:
From The Straits Times:
Feb 27, 2005
Marry him, Fann
No longer a spring chicken at 34, is it 'time' Fann Wong marries Christopher Lee? Or does such an attitude demean women?
Sumiko Tan
YOU have noticed that I haven't been dwelling on the topics of love, marriage and relationships of late, it's deliberate.
When I started writing this Sunday column in 1994, hardly a few months went by when I didn't lament my singlehood. Musing on past, present and future romances was a constant theme.
But it's one thing to be hung up on love when you're in your eligible 20s and still-available 30s, and another when you've hit 40.
When you're 40 and still unmarried, it's unbecoming to be seen as pining for romance. In fact, it's desperate and pathetic.
Like it or not, the search for love and marriage is regarded as a privilege of the young.
While 40 isn't exactly 'old', it certainly can't be considered young, and pity a single woman of that age bemoaning her marital status in public.
The reason I'm revisiting the issue is Fann Wong.
Last week, the Life! section of The Straits Times carried a report speculating on how she and her alleged boyfriend, fellow TV artiste Christopher Lee, are getting married at last.
Both are 34.
One of the actress' fans was quoted as saying: 'At her age, it's also time she got married.'
It's a sentiment I share.
In the larger scheme of things, 34 isn't old (especially if you are, like me, 41). But when it comes to marriage, it's getting there.
If she loves Christopher, Fann should marry him, I think. And quickly.
A colleague was indignant when she heard this.
'How can you say something like that?' she asked.
I suppose views like mine do reinforce stereotypes about women.
Stereotypes such as how women - even beautiful, talented and rich ones like Fann - have sell-by dates, and if they miss the boat, will be left on the shelf, pardon the mixed metaphors.
Stereotypes like how women lose their attractiveness when they grow older.
Stereotypes like how women desire to be attractive to men.
Stereotypes like how, without a romantic partner, a woman's life isn't complete.
I'm going to get flak for saying this, but, guess what? I believe there is truth to all those stereotypes.
Women do have sell-by dates.
Women are physically less attractive as they age.
Women do want to appeal to men.
And having a man in one's life is better than none.
WHEN the HBO sitcom Sex And The City was launched in 1998, I, like so many other single, independent women in cities around the world, was charmed.
How we loved the antics of Carrie and gang as they flitted from one romance to another, loving and leaving men and giving them as good as they got.
The characters spoke for us liberated women on the cusp of the 21st century. We could take on men on our terms.
But the magic for me wore thin after a few seasons.
The older the characters grew (and the actresses too, visibly), the more their lives appeared more strained than swinging.
It's acceptable when you're in your early 30s to work a room full of men, showing off your cleavage. But when you're approaching 40 and still doing this, something must be wrong in your life.
Besides, much as the characters were depicted as gutsy and independent, what they were all chasing in the end was the man of their dreams.
They wanted a relationship or marriage, to be with a man and be looked after by him.
The sitcom drew to a neat close last year with all the characters happily partnered.
In real life, of course, this doesn't always happen. Many swinging single women don't have a happily ever after.
My theory is that 35 is the make-or-break age of a woman in the marriage market.
Miss it - either through lack of choice or because you are too busy or fussy to commit - and it will take extraordinary luck or hard work for you to claw back into the market and get hitched.
This is because 35 is also, alas, that age when one's looks start heading south (just check out those forehead lines that seemingly appear overnight).
And no matter how men and women will say otherwise, in the game of courtship, youthful looks always fare better than craggy ones. It's just a fact of life.
BEING still-single at 40 is a strange experience.
On the one hand, there's that part where your heart can still skip a beat when you meet someone dishy. On the other, you realise that you must finally start behaving with at least some adult decorum. It's just so sad to still be squealing over a 'cute guy'.
Complicating the matter is how, most times, you actually find yourself just not that interested anymore.
Dating is boring and meaningless, and a stress-free, asexual lifestyle with your dog and TV actually sounds inviting, especially when you come home pooped from work.
Yet, when you see happily married couples and their children around you, you feel a twinge of What If.
So, if I were 34 again and in Fann's shoes, what would I do?
Marry before I hit 35 or it'll be 'too late'? Or luxuriate a while more in singlehood, shelf-life be damned?
All things considered, I'd choose marriage.
If you are so lucky as to ever discover The One, don't let him slip away.
Because, as someone who has been there, but hadn't done that, you wouldn't want to wake up at 40 and regret it.
All along I knew women had a tougher lot in life, and I guess this merely serves to confirm it. A man at 35 is still very eligible, but a woman who is single at 35 is quite jialat already. That is if you subscribe to the view that marriage is the most important thing in life. I am not sure about you all, but I do. Of course there are other important things like taking care of your parents and your friends etc, but I do think that companionship is the MOST important thing. The last thing you want is to be working till late at 45, bring home a big pile of homework to mark, and then realise you are facing 4 walls alone. Got to cook for yourself, wash your own clothes etc (not that companion is equal to maid but you get the drift...). And what about the 'friends' argument? I have always been one to believe that the older you get, the more responsibilities you have, and thus the less time you have to spend with your friends. I mean, who has time to go kopitiam to watch football when you ahve to queue up outside Ai Tong Pri School to get your kid into Pri 1? You get the idea... So all you VS dudes out there, if you fly my aeroplane because of girl, I won't mind. I will understand ;)
From The Straits Times:
Feb 27, 2005
Failure No. 2: Haw Par Villa
Too gross, too hot - to succeed
HAW Par Villa was garish grottoes and frightening friezes of gods, spirits and animals from Chinese mythology. Entry to the park - built by two brothers in 1937 - was free but it slowly fell into disrepair, so the Government took it over in 1988.
Given its reputation for the macabre, investors believed that a jazzed-up version would attract regional tourists, especially superstitious middle-aged Chinese folk who may have had, in their youth, seen the original.
A joint venture undertook a $80 million remodelling and when it reopened in October 1990, the old 1.9 hectares had grown to 9.5 hectares while its static sculptures had been brought to life with electronic gadgetry. A boat ride down steep slides, as well as high-tech indoor theatres to tell Chinese folklore, were also added.
For the one-price ticket - $16 for adults and $10 for kids - everything past the gate was at your disposal. Its novelty value drew in 1.2 million visitors the first year, and a tiny profit - before interest charges. But the second year saw $1.8 million in losses and, every year afterwards, it bled. In 2001, it closed.
What went wrong?
First, the new park dissed its target group. Designed by a Disney offshoot who assumed it would attract American tourists, says NTU's Prof David Leong, Chinese stories were told through Western eyes, so Chinese-speaking visitors found the old spirit gone. The Creation of the World slide show, for instance, was presented in English.
It was not until 1995 that the operator would use Chinese to describe the exhibits and in its theatres, while stilt walkers and modern pop dancers gave way to opera artistes from China.
Secondly, it dissed you once you paid at the gate. It had too much concrete and too few shelters - like Tang Dynasty City - which made it too hot on sunny days. Yet people had to queue in the hot sun for 40 minutes to take the Ride into the Dragon's Belly, for example, because there were only two boats at any one time despite a capacity for four. Although only one person was needed to man each boat, the operator cut its workforce to curb rising wage costs, thinking that since it was a one-price ticket, long queues wouldn't directly impact upon revenues.
Thirdly, it dissed tour agents, who were not paid any commissions. Prof Peggy Teo of NUS found in her survey that only a quarter of tour agents promoted Haw Par Villa.
Finally, it dissed people with a phobia about death, which is most people. It also turned off potential customers offended by its assault on the senses with a profusion of sex and gore themes. In its Ten Courts of Hell, for example, 'wandering spirits' - actors lying in the tunnel who rose to waylay guests - sent many visitors scurrying away, screaming in terror.
Where it wasn't ghoulish, it was distasteful, like the tableau extolling filial piety, where a legendary Tang Dynasty woman suckled her toothless mother-in-law while her infant starved.
So the place created not warm memories but grossed out or ghoulish ones.
In March 1997, entrance fees were slashed, but a third of its attractions were closed too and staffing reduced from 400 to 20. Things were battered and tawdry. It was too little, too late.
From 750,000 visitors in 1995, attendance dropped to 130,000 in 2001 and the operator threw in the towel.
Hmm I not sure whether you all went there when you were young before, I did and I was absolutely terrified by all the punishments dished out in the 18th level of Hell. What absolutely freaked me out was that you would be forced to hug a red hot pillar if you had sex with a woman (or at least I though so then) and I was like wtf! Am I supposed to be a monk then? Needless to say it had a very big impact on me, for better or for worse... Today there was one letter to the forum which argued that Haw Par Villa helped to promote Chinese culture etc. I think I can agree with both views. Haw Par Villa does help to promote Chinese culture which was the original aim of the 2 brothers who built it. But as a theme park, it did commit the error of being too gross and scary. Think Disneyland rides and compare it to THAT ride in Haw Par Villa and you get what I mean.
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No I haven't got my laptop back, but still blogged coz there are just too many things to say. But without my laptop I can't talk about a lot of stuff. The list:
- Anti-Glazer protest before Milan game
- Rooney in the Portsmouth game
- How I came within 5 cm of getting Ruud's autograph, only to fail :(
Anyway fuck doodleboard. Converted to a premium service onl website. FUCK YOU. This is how McDonalds and Nike came about. They started out as small friendly family enterprises and got popular before slowly turning into giant unfeeling conglomerates. Fuck.
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